Out of Commission and Ridiculous Facebook Users

R.O.D.

Running Injuries

Running Injuries

There comes a time in every distance runner’s life when you can no longer ignore the presence of an injury. In my case, it is accepting my doctor’s confirmation that I indeed have a broken ass (in medical terms, it would be a compound fracture of the coccyx–as evidenced by today’s multiple x-rays).

To add insult to injury, I also may have a hairline fracture of the pelvis. The amazing news on that front is that there’s so much swelling from the rump injury that they’re unable to make a definitive call one way or the other. Long story short, this ‘lil runner is sidelined for the forseeable future. Luckily, I’m one hell of a stubborn bastard when it comes to being active, so I assure you that I’ll have running-related updates in no time. Until then, it just means there’s more room for my incessant rambling….   😀

M.O.D.

Facebook

My Kind of Facebooking...

As most of you know, I post all of my updated blog entries to my personal Facebook account for your reading pleasure. And speaking of Facebook, I have to wonder what the hell people are thinking when they post such random bullshit to their statuses. Seriously, there aren’t too many people who want to know that your toddler took a poo in the toilet for the first time, let alone what that particular bowel movement happened to look like.

And so, without further adieu, I give you my compilation of the most ridiculous types of Facebook users:

  • The Invitation Overloader: The person who sends you 5,000 Mafia, Farmville, Words with Friends, CityVille, etc. requests–per day. These typically are the people who will send you the “Top 25 Personal Questions” lists (which they of course have already filled out), a plethora of random survey requests (which Golden Girl are you?!), and a host of Support My Cause/Sign My Petition suggestions.
  • The Eternal Pessimist: Ahh, the eternal pessimist. Never one to back down from an opportunity to complain, these are the people who will forever cast a black cloud over any parade. 
  • S/He Who Lurks in the Shadows: This one could perhaps be my personal favorite; the person who never comments, shares links, or “likes” anything you post to your wall, but who will always let you know what they saw on Facebook when they’re in your physical presence. Perhaps they’re too cautious to communicate on the actual site, maybe they’re too lazy, but whatever it is, it’s forever a bit creepy to have someone mention your FB posts in an effort to strike up conversation in the real world.
  • The Grammar School Dropout: All LOL’ing and OMG’ing aside, these are the people who take digital hyphenation to new levels. “OMG, ths hs 2 b the bst d8 4evr!” “Yaaaaay, Im so happy its friday yippe!” While I’m not the spelling police, puh-lease take a look at (and proof-read) the rubbish you’re typing!!
  • The Manipulator: Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks — baited with vague tales of woe — in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention.
  • The TMI Aficionado: These are the people who, when you read their FB status, you have to wonder if they simply have too much time on their hands or if they’re just too simple-minded to understand how to craft a useful FB message. A typical status from these types includes a complete run-down of their every move of the day, from their meal choices to their babies’ bowel movement (including shape, size, color, and if you’re lucky–texture!) to their every thought, response, emotion, and confused postulation of the world they live in. To those “fortunate” enough to be friends with a TMI aficionado, please remember that no moment is too mundane for them to share with the unsolicited world….
  • The “Hear Me Roar” Hot Shot: These are the people who are typically so self-absorbed that they have very little room on their FB wall for anything that doesn’t directly boost their ego and/or social status. Of course we’re all guilty of a bit of self-promotion from time to time because that truly is the essence of Facebook, but these individuals sign up for an account for no other reason than to brag about themselves to others. Be prepared for incessant amounts of meaningless BS and don’t be surprised when this person doesn’t at least wish you the obligatory FB “Happy Birthday.”
  • The Hoarder: It’s scientific fact that human beings are programmed to operate under a “quality over quantity” protocol when it comes to friendships and acquaintances in the mix of a healthy, adult lifestyle. Those people who have 1,110, 1,200, or 2,000 FB friends? Unless you’re a famous, A-list actress/actor or Oprah or Obama, you’re simply attempting to exude a type of persona that doesn’t exist. Either that or you’re an insecure monster who bases their entire lives on social acquaintances.


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5 thoughts on “Out of Commission and Ridiculous Facebook Users

  1. Ha! I totally hear ya about the “Hear Me Roar” Hot Shot. Those are the worst! I think I may one of those Shadow Lurkers because sometimes I’ll comment to a friend in-person about their Facebook shenigans but after I do it I think to myself “shit, I shouldn’t have said that because they probably think I’m some kind of wierd Facebook stalker”.

  2. I hear you. I don’t frequent facebook too terribly often. A couple times a week maybe but there are a couple of people who routinely annoy me with their poor spelling &/or too much information. Although, if they are funny I don’t mind so much. Do all of your “hoarder” friends live in Manhattan too? Anyway, hope your ass feels better.

    • I’m on FB now more just because of this blog, so perhaps that puts me in the second to last category??!! I haven’t really noticed a specific geographic location for the hoarders, but I have seen plenty from NYC and Boston–there’s certainly something about East Coast, urban yuppies and their number of “friends!”

      Thanks for the well wishes; although I’m bummed to not be able to run (pun intended..), I am amused by telling people that my arse is broken!

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